Written by Amal Murni
Music is such a subjective thing to talk about and yet it is considered to be a universal language amongst many. But that is not to discredit other forms of art. Art in itself is as subjective and there are various forms of it that are considered as therapeutic. However, today I am focusing on music and how it can (hopefully, maybe? possibly) save those who are gripping on their last thread of sanity hoping it won’t snap any time soon.
There are endless speculations and unanswered questions on the statement “music saved my life” because it is such a personal thing to answer and even if someone plans on making a research paper out of it (which they did), it will still have an introspective and subjective outcome. Many articles on the Internet regarding this subject are based on personal experiences and how certain music helped calm them down when they had an anxiety attack or how the lyrics of a song helped them dodge suicidal tendencies.
I asked a couple of friends if listening to music helps when they are experiencing an episode or breakdown, and they said yes. One of them said that they would either cry, or feel at ease and it would help them think clearly. Another said music helps him cope and ensures him to not do anything relatively bad to others, especially himself.
Personally, perceiving these claims, music is an escape and to say the least… a friend. It is a relief to know the patterns in life because it aids you to keep yourself on track and remind you to not repeat the mistakes you did in the past. Through music, it is not entirely a pattern but more so a connection. It is somewhat a form of serendipity when you encounter a song that feels like it is written about what you are going through. Tie that with a melody that clenches your soul and it is no wonder that a tear or two would drop. Often times, those who suffer from mental illness would feel isolated and completely alone in this world. It is harder for them to see and accept that there are people who genuinely care and love them and it is easier for them to believe that they are toxic (when they are not). This is why it is important to voice out and also to recognise that music is one of the mechanisms that can help individuals who are suffering from these psychological disorders.
Here’s a story, but I am not sure how you would want to take from it. But it’s my story:
In 2014, I decided to go to the doctor’s to see if I was sick because I was in a bad state. My spirit was close to nil, my body was close to the bone and my mind was no longer mine. But despite all that, I managed to gather whatever strength that I had and went to the doctor’s with a chest pain and low hopes. That was when I was diagnosed with clinical depression and started going to therapy.
Moving onto a year later, I was taking a foundation course and I have had these episodes where I was lightheaded, my visions were blurry and everything was slowly fading to white. My palms were sweaty, and my heart palpitations were rapid. I felt sick to my stomach and my eyes were welling up without my control. So, during the monthly therapy sessions, I told my doctor what happened and how I felt and he proceeded to diagnose me with an anxiety disorder and gave me medication to temporarily combat it whenever the anxiety attacks were present.
Truth be told, I hated every bit of the drug-induced person I once was. Whenever I took two doses of Clonazepam and another two of Zoloft, my body felt like an empty casket. Life felt so heavy and at the same time, vacant when darkness resided in this temporary vessel. There was nothing meaningful and worth living for. Back then, I used to ask myself if it was possible for a void to be endless? If I were to end it all, will everyone feel lighter? I used to measure the horizon with the tips of my thumb and index finger and thought everything I dreamed about was possible to achieve. But when the sun succumbed into the line measured, reality seeped in and it felt like I was in a virulent vacuum. My entire being felt... insignificant and... hollow.
A couple of things happened in between the two years, but I am happy to say that I am clean for almost three years now and that is mainly because of music. Through music I found my sanity and company, it was and still is my safe haven. Without albums like Bright Eyes’ I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning, Gregory Alan Isakov’s This Empty Northern Hemisphere and The Weatherman, Ben Howard’s Every Kingdom and James Taylor’s self-titled album -- I will truly be completely lost in my head.
James Taylor’s ‘Carolina in My Mind’ helped me throughout my first year in university, which was about two years ago. It reminded me of my dad because he loves sentimental music and listening to the track instantly felt like a warm hug from home while in reality, I was alone in a foreign room. Moreover, when I had multiple relapses, I discovered Nick Drake’s Pink Moon album and it was such a heaven sent. Songs like ‘Which Will’ and ‘Place to Be’ made me weep, and simultaneously cured me from my breakdowns because I knew I was not alone in this.
What I have come to realise is that, there are other people who listen to certain songs and feel a similar way as I do. Perhaps not exactly similar per se, but the pain is there and we are battling an invisible war that we have yet to know how to overcome. But somehow, in the vast selections of coping mechanisms and records out there, it is pure coincidence and serendipity that we ended up listening to the same song for the same reason; to keep our heads above water... to be okay. And I guess that is the beauty of music.
It is not to say that the illness or breakdowns will stop as soon as you or I listen to a playlist that help us cope, but it is only to say that… It helps and in my personal opinion, it is a healthier alternative than taking medications that could turn a person into a numbed out zombie (it may vary). Additionally, what more can we ask for than the one thing that we know that help us when we are in need?
Life is fair because there is balance. Where there is good, there will also be bad. If you work hard for something, you will surely get what you are aiming for when the time is right, and if you slack off, you won’t. If you are kind to yourself, you will eventually heal. Maybe not now, or tomorrow, but someday. It is a long tedious journey of recovery, and there will be relapses ahead, but you have gone this far, so why stop now? You are stronger than you think and no one should tell you otherwise.
I am healthier now than I have ever been and whatever that led me to where I am now is because of music and I hope that someday you will find that one thing that could help you be healthier too -- mind, body and soul because you deserve it.
Disclaimer:
This is purely an opinion-based article. For any misunderstandings and misinformation, I do sincerely apologise. Feel free to share your opinion on this topic and how music has helped you.
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